How to Talk About Money In a Marriage | Tips for Having The Money Talk
It’s no secret that finances can be a touchy subject in any relationship. However, when it comes to a marriage where finances are often shared in some capacity, they can easily become a source of tension, conflict, and uncomfortable conversations. Despite how physically or emotionally connected a couple is, money has the power to drive a wedge between partners. Compatibility in a marriage isn’t just about physical attraction, personalities, dreams, and desires. Money plays a key role too - in your mindset, how you value money, spend it, save it, and invest it. In this blog post, we’re sharing a few key tips for how to talk about money in a marriage so you can navigate this tricky (but necessary) part of life together!
Navigating Money in a Marriage
Money is one of those things that just comes with the territory of marriage. It’s a necessity for life and one of the most important things to communicate frequently with your partner about.
Fun fact: I (Lindsay) am not only a certified coach specializing in relationships, but I also hold my CPA designation and am a former accountant. Love and money… they’re kind of my specialties! My accounting experience helps me support our clients as they navigate the tough “money talks” in marriage.
How Money Can Impact a Marriage
In our work as relationship coaches and a former accountant, we’ve seen firsthand how money can impact marriages. Debt, financial burdens, and differences in money habits and values can cause unhealthy stress in a marriage, leading to arguments, constant conflicts, and resentment.
Some of the most common triggers for money conflicts in a marriage are:
The stress of debt.
Resentment over debt and financial burdens.
Mismatched salaries.
Feeling guilty for not feeling like you contribute enough financially.
Different money habits and values.
It’s so important to recognize how these challenges show up in your marriage so you can approach the topic of money with openness, understanding, and the willingness to see, hear, and understand each other. Commit to having regular and intentional conversations about money so you can build trust with each other and find alignment as a couple.
How to Have the Money Talk
The key to talking about money in a marriage is to make it a consistent conversation and something you frequently check in with each other on. Don’t wait until there’s an issue or a big money decision to make to touch base on your finances.
Here’s a few tips for having a productive, respectful money talk with your partner:
Share your money story and WHY you feel the way you do about money. Understanding each other’s financial history, upbringing, and experiences can help you better understand and empathize with how they’re feeling about money and WHY they have the beliefs and values they do about it. Talk openly about your money journey, how money was handled in your family growing up, and what financial experiences have shaped your views.
Be open about your fears and emotions about money. Money conversations tend to stir up emotions like fear, anxiety, or guilt. Aim to create a safe space for you and your partner to talk openly about money and express your concerns and feelings safely, honestly, and without judgement. Keep in mind that your partner may have different fears and emotions around money, and that’s okay. By starting with a foundation of honesty and openness, you can find a common ground together.
Make intentional money talks a habit. Like we said, don’t wait to talk about money until there’s a problem or big decision to make (like buying a house or car). Schedule regular money talks and check-ins with each other to talk about finances, budgets, goals, and action plans. This may be weekly, monthly, or quarterly depending on what works for you. Consistency is key with communication, especially when talking about money. This can prevent misunderstanding and blow-ups down the road. Plus, you can make it enjoyable by starting or ending your money talk with a date night where you can connect and dream about the future together!
Focus on the future and your dreams. Speaking of the future and dreams, make that the main focus once you’ve addressed your current financial issues or decisions. There’s no point in dwelling on the past. Create a shared vision for the future where you can talk about your goals, aspirations, and plans. This can help you determine how you can work TOGETHER to achieve them.
Create a plan for financial stress. Let’s get real - financial stress and big decisions are bound to happen. However, if you have a plan and strategy that you can implement together to handle these stresses and decisions, you can tackle them as they come, without avoiding them or coming into conflict. This could look like having a dedicated time to talk about your concerns, seek professional advice in the form of a financial or relationship expert when needed, or establish clear guidelines and stepping stones for making financial decisions.
Navigating money in a marriage is a constant and something you’ll have to work on and dedicate effort to forever. It requires patience, empathy, communication, openness, and the ability to see, hear, and understand each other’s perspectives with respect.
Instead of looking at finances as “yours” and “mine,” shift your mindset to looking at it as “ours” so you can work as a team towards your financial goals. There is a lot of power and pride that comes from tackling a money challenge or achieving a goal together!
If you’re struggling to have the money talk in your marriage and are tired of the constant fights and conflicts that end up going “nowhere?” It might be time to seek professional guidance!
Learn more about our 1:1 coaching services, where we can help you navigate the money talk in your marriage so you can get on the same page and work through money talks and decisions together with more success, unity, and understanding!