Year End Reflection: 10 Questions Every Couple Should Ask Each Other
So, it’s the end of the year again.
You’ve made it through birthdays, bills, in-laws, deadlines, and probably at least one fight about who left the light on. 🫠
Before we roll into another January pretending we’re suddenly gym people, how about checking in on something that actually matters?
👉 Your relationship.
Psychologist Dr. John Gottman found that couples who reflect regularly (not just fight or plan) are way more likely to stay emotionally connected long-term. Why?
Because reflection equals awareness, and awareness equals growth.
So grab your person, a glass of wine, and maybe some snacks (because we’re not here to starve or stress). Let’s end the year with some real talk.
Here are 10 questions every couple should ask before the ball drops.
They’re equal parts deep, funny, and slightly uncomfortable, but hey, that’s where growth lives.
💬 1. What surprised you most about us this year?
You can’t plan everything, and that’s kind of the beauty of it.
What did you not see coming this year?
Maybe you handled something like a boss. Or maybe you realized how much you’ve grown as a team.
Brag on yourselves a little. You earned it. 💪
😩 2. What drained you the most, and how did we handle it?
Look, pretending everything’s fine isn’t sexy. Honesty is.
What felt heavy this year: work, parenting, money, or each other?
Did you support or snap? Cope or collapse?
Talk about how you both managed the hard stuff, no judgment, just insight.
(Brené Brown voice: “You can’t fix what you don’t name.”)
❤️ 3. When did you feel closest to me this year?
Spoiler: it’s probably not on your anniversary.
Maybe it was laughing in the kitchen or surviving a rough week together.
Don’t underestimate the boring moments. That’s where intimacy hides.
Esther Perel says, “Eroticism lives in the space between.” So talk about what moments made you feel connected.
🥴 4. What’s one moment you wish we handled differently?
Everyone screws up. Grown love is about learning, not perfection.
Focus on what you could’ve done better, not what they always do wrong.
Say, “Next time, let’s try…” instead of “You should’ve…”
You’re not revisiting the drama, you’re rewriting the playbook.
🧠 5. What did you learn about yourself in our relationship this year?
Relationships are like mirrors. They reflect your best and your messiest self.
What came up for you? Control issues? Patience wins?
What surprised you about your own growth?
Share it. It’s how you build emotional intimacy instead of walking on eggshells.
👀 6. When did you feel unseen or misunderstood?
Oof. This one’s tender, but it’s gold if you handle it right.
Listen to understand, not defend.
Don’t fix it, feel it. Sometimes “I get that” does more than “I’m sorry.”
Ask, “What helps you feel seen when that happens?”
🌈 7. What do you want to feel more of next year?
Let’s stop winging emotional growth, okay? Be specific.
Do you want more calm? More fun? More touch?
Define it. “I want to laugh more,” not “I want us to be happy.”
Then plan one small ritual that gives you that vibe.
💪 8. How have we grown as a team?
You’re probably doing better than you think.
Think about what you survived this year together.
Point out how your partner showed up, even if it wasn’t perfect.
Appreciation fuels connection. Say “thank you” like you mean it.
🧹 9. What do we want to leave behind this year?
Not people. Habits.
What patterns or moods don’t serve you anymore?
Say it out loud so you can actually leave it.
Then agree on one new thing to replace it with. (Less scrolling? More touching?)
🔥 10. What’s one thing we can do differently starting now?
You don’t need a five-step plan. Just one shift.
Try a nightly ten-minute check-in with no phones.
Say one kind thing before bed.
Hug longer. (Science says twenty seconds reduces stress and boosts oxytocin, your bonding hormone.)
💭 Why This Works
Because couples who pause and reflect don’t drift apart as easily.
They argue less, repair faster, and remember they’re on the same team.
It’s not about being perfect. It’s about being aware.
That’s what keeps the spark from dying in the laundry pile of life.
Want more guidance on building a marriage that actually thrives?
The goal isn’t to have every answer. It’s to have the conversation.
That’s where connection lives.
And if you want help keeping that momentum going into next year, check this out - our course Thrive Together. A fun, no-fluff course that helps couples communicate better, rebuild connection, and actually enjoy the work of growing together.
Because love doesn’t stay alive by accident.
It grows when you water it with reflection, humor, and a little spice. 🌶️