Love Language Deep Dive | Words of Affirmation and Acts of Service
Welcome back to our Love Language / Love Style series! In our last blog post, we talked all about honouring your unique love language and the importance of showing your partner love in the way that THEY desire to receive it. This ultimately leads to deeper connection. In this blog post, we’re deep diving into two of the most impactful love languages and ways that people express and receive love: words of affirmation and acts of service. Read on to learn how to tap into these love languages and bring more love and connection into your relationship.
What Are Words of Affirmation?
In the world of love languages, words of affirmation are the key to showing appreciation in your relationship. In our work with clients, we find that most people fall into one of three categories when it comes to needing and craving appreciation from their partner in order to feel close, connected, and loved.
The “Know Its” - The first category of people are well aware of their desire for appreciation and words of affirmation and know they need to receive love in that way. They have no problem expressing that words of affirmation are important to them and they own that.
The “Deniers” - These are the people who need to be appreciated, but they deny it. They might see needing to be appreciated as annoying or something they don’t want to admit to themselves or their partners. They don’t think words of affirmation are important, but when they receive them, they feel closer and more connected.
The “Reluctants” - The third category is the people that don’t want to be appreciated through words. They find it uncomfortable or unnecessary to be appreciated for things that they see as normal responsibilities or parts of life, like doing laundry or cleaning up dishes.
The third category is less common, but for the most part, people crave appreciation in their relationship and want to be told when they do something their partner appreciates. In one of our workshops, we asked a group of women what they desired most in their relationships, and (surprise, surprise!) appreciation topped the list!
The key to expressing and giving love in this way is understanding what words of affirmation are and how to express them.
Words of affirmation can be simple, yet they hold so much power in nurturing love, connection, and emotional intimacy in your relationship.
A few examples of words of affirmation are:
A simple “thank you” for something your partner has done.
Expressing admiration for your partner’s qualities and characteristics.
Complimenting their physical appearance.
Telling them what you love about their body.
Admiring them to others.
Words of affirmation are all of those little ways that you can lift your partner up and make them feel good.
The Trouble With Words of Affirmation
Words of affirmation are a great way to show love to your partner, however, the trouble with this type of appreciation is doing it out of habit versus in a meaningful way in the moment. To avoid showing appreciation out of routine or habit, get creative with how you express this love language!
There are so many ways to give words of affirmation, beyond just spoken words, such as:
Sending sweet text messages.
Writing little love notes to your partner.
Putting post-it notes with messages around the house.
Showing appreciation about your partner to others (when you know they can hear you!).
These are all meaningful ways to show your appreciation and strengthen your connection with your partner.
What Are Acts of Service?
The next love language we’re diving into today is acts of service. This love language is all about showing your partner love by taking tasks and chores COMPLETELY off of your partner’s plate to make life easier and more enjoyable.
Just imagine the stress relief when your partner sees that dinner has been planned, shopped for, prepped, cooked, served, and cleaned up?! For those that embrace this love language, they’ll be ecstatic and feel so darn loved!
The key to this love language is taking the task off their plate fully, such as:
Preparing a meal from start to finish.
Cleaning up after dinner without being asked.
Doing a household chore you know your partner dreads.
Changing the sheets on the bed.
Running errands.
Washing the car.
Picking up your partner’s favourite drink and treat.
Take full ownership of the task, plan it out, and execute it 100%. THAT is an act of service and can make your partner feel loved, cared for, and valued. Plus, it takes stress and to-do’s off their plate, which can be like a breath of fresh air for them.
Understanding You and Your Partner’s Love Languages
It is so important to understand you and your partner’s love languages to create a harmonious relationship where you are both expressing love in the way the other desires to receive it.
For some people, acts of service are a powerful turn-on that can really fill their love tank, while for others, it can be annoying to have your partner do things for you. Instead, they might see these acts of service as obligations rather than demonstrations of affection. If you don’t know your partner’s love language, it can create a disconnect in your relationship and resentment can build.
The key to these love languages is being open, honest, and communicating to your partner what makes you feel loved and how you like to be shown love. As a partner, take note and make conscious efforts to give your partner love in the way they desire to receive it. Get creative with how you express words of affirmation and acts of service so you can fill your partner’s love tank in new, unexpected ways.
If you’re ready to become more connected and transform your relationship for the better, learn more about working with us in our 1:1 coaching program! We’d love to help you design a life you deserve!